Remember how I mentioned going through some depression and a few other things lately? Well, I came across a poem that describes exactly how I've been feeling. Maybe some of you can relate. My goal this year is to get back on track and find true happiness in all areas of my life. I know it's going to be hard, but I know it can be done!!!
I feel like I am stuck.
As I search for joy I am constantly faced with a dead end wall.
I see myself caught inside a complex maze with no hope of changing my course.
Time will pass, but my feelings will not change.
If I do not move from my position in this maze, then I will complete my life with the same feelings I have now.
Emptiness. Boredom. And an inescapable lack of purpose.
I do not feel. I only complete the moment.
I loath the shallow existence that I bear each day.
I will die in this spot having passed each day with the same burdensome thoughts.
What is life? Is there more than waking, suffering, and sleeping?
Was I created only to arise the next day with nothing more than an added burden from the previous day's experiences?
Am I a prisoner to my life?
Why do other people appear to advance in so many ways, and I just live the same day over and over?
Is there a medicine that can free me from this horrible place I am in? No. Temporary solutions are of no interest to me.
Does an answer exist?
Will my pride allow me to return to a previous path in search for better way? Or does my fear and contentment stare me in the face causing me to shrink from the thought of change?
Could there be a path that leads to joyful days, purpose, and progression?
Or am I sentenced to die in this condition?
Is my life already over?
Do I have a choice?
I am lost, uncertain of anything but my feelings.
Where do I turn?
Or do I just remain at the dead end waiting for something to change?
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2 comments:
Hey Sheena, I thought I posted a comment last week, but I guess it didn't save....
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you. I hope that you can find some peace and comfort. I know that being a new mom can be very lonely. I went through a similar thing that you are feeling when it was just me and Rachel and I was learning how to be a mom and struggling to stay busy. I was depressed for a long time. I kept telling myself that I wasn't depressed, it was just something I was "going through", but I wish I had gotten some help when I really needed it. I think I could have come out of it much quicker. People always talk about post-partum depression, but people hardly ever talk about the depression that comes a year later. It is very real and hard. If we were still neighbors I would give you a big hug! I hope you can find happiness! - Jamie
You have that darn Dively gene. What you are doing for that little boy and your husband is priceless. It is the greatest sacrifice you will ever make. One day you will look back at this time in your life and realize just how precious it was. Time goes way to fast. Remember, The days may seem long, but the years go to fast.
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